JOKES

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The birds and the bees.

A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later:
"Da-ad..."

"What?"

"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a drink of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
"Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad..."

"WHAT?" "I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a drink of water??"

"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
"Five minutes later... "Daaaa-aaaad..."

"WHAT??!!" "When you come in to spank me,

can you bring me a drink of water?"
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An exasperated mother,

whose son was always getting into mischief,
finally asked him,

"How do you expect to get into Heaven?".

The boy thought it over

and said,

"Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out

and keep slamming the door

until St. Peter says,

'For Heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out!'"

Jewish Mother

A young Jewish man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and
going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring
over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry."
The mother agrees.
The next day, he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits
them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay,
Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry."
She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."
"That's amazing, Ma. You're right. How did you know?"
"I don't like her."

When the doctor does his history and physical,
he discovers that his poor patient has had practically
every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL
no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines, too and the
advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I
learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've
gotten from my own experience. When I have a migraine,
I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while.
Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I
can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a
little.

Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom,
and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have
sex with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately
gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six
weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc!
I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had
migraines for 17 years and this is the FIRST time anyone has
ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice
house."

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