Welcome to

THE HORMONE WARNING: The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the
month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life in
his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
license in the wallet of every husband/boyfriend/significant other!

DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
EVEN SAFER: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you look good in brown.
EVEN SAFER: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
EVEN SAFER: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
EVEN SAFER: Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Have some chocolate.

DANGEROUS: What did you do all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't overdo it today.
EVEN SAFER: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Have some more chocolate.
13 Things PMS Stands For:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweatpants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly, Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff And my favorite one...
13. Potential Murder Suspect Feel free to pass this on to any hormonal
friends and those who might need a good laugh. (Or men who need a warning.)
And remember: Money talks...but chocolate SINGS!

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The many meanings of P-M-S:

1. P ass M y S hotgun

2.P sychotic M ood S hift

3.P erpetual M unching S pree

4.P uffy M id-S ection

5.P eople M ake me Sick

6.P rovide Me with S weets

7.Pardon M y Sobbing

8P imples May S urface

9.P ass M y S weatpants

10.P issy M ood S yndrome

11.P lainly; M en S uck

12.P ack M y S tuff

.....and my favorite one..

13.P otential M urder S uspect
And as an example

Q: How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb?
A: One!!! ONLY ONE!!!! And do you know WHY?
Because no one else in this house know s HOW to
change a light bulb! They don't even know that the
bulb is BURNED OUT!! They'd sit there in the dark
for THREE DAYS before they figured it out!! And,
once they figured it out, they wouldn't be able to
find the light bulbs despite the fact they've been in
the SAME CUPBOARD for the past 13 YEARS! But
if they did, by some miracle of God, actually find
the bulbs 2 DAYS LATER, the chair they dragged to
stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would
STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!!!!! AND UNDERNEATH IT
WOULD BE THE WRAPPER THE STUPID LIGHT BULBS CAME
IN!!! BECAUSE NO ONE EVER CARRIES OUT THE
GARBAGE!!!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL
SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE A FOOT
DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE
AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS DAMNED HOUSE! I'm sorry. What was your question?

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A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present
Seven Wonder of the World. Though there was some disagreement, the following
got the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids
2. Taj Mahal
3. Grand Canyon
4. Panama Canal
5. Empire State Building
6. St. Peter's Basilica
7. China's Great Wall
While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one quiet student hadn't
turned in her paper yet. So she asked the girl if she was having trouble
with her list. The girl replied, "Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my
mind because there were so many." The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you
have, and maybe we can help."

The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the Seven Wonders of the World are:
1. to touch
2. to taste
3. to see
4. to hear
She hesitated a little, and then added
5. to feel
6. to laugh
7. and to love
The room was so full of silence you could have heard a pin drop.
Those things we overlook as simple and "ordinary" are truly wondrous. A
gentle reminder that the most precious things in life cannot be bought.

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QUOTE
My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God and I didn't.
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10 Rules to live by!!!

1. Live to relax

2.     Love your bed, it is your temple

3.     If someone comes to visit you , relax with them

4.     Relax in the day, so that you can sleep at night

5.     Work is holy, so don't attack it

6.     Don't do something tomorrow, that you can do the day afterwards

7.     Work as little as possible. Let the others do what needs to be done

8.     Don't worry, nobody died from doing nothing, but you could get hurt at work

9.     If you feel like doing work, sit down and wait until that feeling goes away

10. Don't forget: working is healthy! So leave it for the sick people